It's summertime, 'tis the season for sunbathing, beachgoing, shopping, and maybe even starting that damn diet you've been promising to yourself for the past decade. For some however, the summer marks the beginning of the much anticipated fair season!
Gosh, your local county fair! What a great way to support your community, see the sights, and maybe even get your handwriting analyzed by a real live psychic!
...For those of us that slide above the lowest common denominator of society, the county fair ignites psychosomatic reactions of full body chills, nausea, and moral fear. For everyone else, congradulations, you may fit the criteria of
For fair folk: What could be more fun than walking amongst the morbidly obese, paying nauseatingly high prices to ride death defying "we-constructed-this-in-a-matter-of-minutes" rollercoasters, and spending your life savings to win your girlfriend that oversized Spongebob with uncompromised determination?
To help your fearlessly expanding waistline, the fair provides all kinds of delicious deep-fried foods to accelerate the natural selection process. Deep fried oreos, chocolate bars, coca-cola, and twinkies. For those of you who aren't erotically attracted to the battered goods, make your way over to the "FULL ROASTED ANIMAL CARCASS" so you can walk around making homage to your caveman ancestors.
What's that, your girlfriend is 6 months pregnant with what may or may not be your child? That's ok, she can wait at the "Tilt-a-Whirl" exit, cheering you on while you empty the contents of your stomach with machine gun-like projection.
Though California is billions of dollars in debt, how could we skip the summer fair tradition for say, something more socially useful.
If you are a fair person, continue eating yourself into oblivion and handing your life savings over to the toothless wonders at the horseshoe side-show. Keep at it and they might even include you in the "World's Largest Cow" exhibit!
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