Delete: NYSE Opening Bell Ceremony

Watching the morning (mourning) news has become something of a ritual for many hardworking American men and women. We love our daily dose of positive news at the crack of dawn: the most recent terrorist attacks, kitten rescues, and strange domestic murder cases provide us with just the right attitude to face our 9-5 cubicle jobs.



THEN, like a swift kick in the ass, they broadcast that DAMN opening bell ceremony at the NYSE. Aww, look at all those corporate douchebags celebrating their financial fortitude, clapping away at the growing gap between their top 1% and the poor fucks that actually have to WORRY about healthcare!

A hypothetical conversation between two of the folks up there on the opening bell stage:

"Corporate Douche 1: ah yes Janice, another glorious day here on Wallstreet! My you look fabulous in that red business suit, what I could do to that fine a-*bell rings* oh there's the bell! do clap, do clap
Janice: *while applauding* Oh no! Look at all those negative numbers up there on the board! Guess I'll have to reschedule that Brazilian wax.....haha just kidding! That's what America's tax dollars are for!"

*awkward pause* So what should the viewer be celebrating while watching this ABSOLUTE MOCKERY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE?! Your new homeforclosure, your inability to afford good healthcare, the new episode of "Paris Hilton's new B.F.F." oh wait you can't afford cable anymore, nevermind.

We will be avenged.

That's right G.M., you are just one of many big stwong corporations that has gotten the big FLUSH.

So keep clapping NYSE, you can laugh all the way to the bank, until you realize that the bank has been closed and someone like Madoff played you for FOOLS. FOOOOOOOOLS.

Stop celebrating, Party's over!


Delete.